Comments on my poem please?
I had to write a poem for my uni course that told a tale. One of the subjects we had to choose from was ‘a stain’… Can I have comments please? (Oh, and please don’t be nasty just for the sake of being so)… Thanks in advance
The Stain
I’m removing my dress when I see it
Lurking upon the right breast,
I finger it and see that it is dried on;
So I wonder if it has been there
For the duration of the evening.
Whilst I tried to look smart
In a black woollen dress,
Hair in a chignon, pearls around my neck,
The stain may have sat there smugly
For the duration of the evening.
I scrutinise it like an investigator
What was my last meal?
Was it from either dessert? Or starter?
God forbid, it could have resided there
For the duration of the evening.
I try not to panic about the terrible notion
That it may even have been there
Before I left the house!
The realisation that this stain had been there for longer than
For the duration of the evening.
The two of us try to sponge the faux pas off
You say "It’s just a stain!"
We set about attacking it with the enthusiasm,
We’d given to our outing; but I can’t help but wonder if it was there
For the duration of the evening.
You joke that it was a stain,
That almost brought down the Whitehouse
All those years ago;
I manage to laugh, as we throw the dress in the laundry,
And decide to forget it,
For the duration of the evening.
Those darn stains….
You have told the tale well. I enjoyed the reading of it.
…you have not said you were confined to a strict format other than the Subject, therefore I will not attempt to critique.
Comments
Comment from maddamselfly *musing*
Time January 6, 2010 at 3:50 am
Those darn stains….
You have told the tale well. I enjoyed the reading of it.
…you have not said you were confined to a strict format other than the Subject, therefore I will not attempt to critique.
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Comment from sam
Time January 6, 2010 at 4:15 am
exellent u should submit your poems on this site
http://poetry.student.com/
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Comment from isoccer18!
Time January 6, 2010 at 3:26 am
yeah, you did a good job with it.
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