Extremely high anxiety panic attacks upset my boyfriend?! Please help.?
I will get really bad panic attacks sometimes and everytime It happens im usually talking with my bf and it upsets him and he wont talk to me anymore and I always feel like the worst girlfriend in the world for upsetting him because of my attacks that are so stupid : ( I always have panic attacks im always afraid and stressed I cant even really describe what they are about its just so many things going in my head at once..
I need to stop doing this to him because I dont want to hurt him he means the world to me we are 19 years old
How do I talk to him when Im having an attack how do I make it so i can become calm without him getting upset at me for panicing? Sometimes it just makes it even worse because i upset him and then i feel even less deserving to him : ( ugh…
Sorry for the wall : (
Our instinctual reactions to panic do absolutely nothing to decrease its occurrence. We tense up, can’t speak, sweaty palms, short of breath, or whatever else; and then, we distance ourselves from the thing that caused it. This uses Classical Conditioning to reinforce our reaction of fear.
1.) The ”mechanical fix.”
Can you bring on a panic attack (or the symptoms of it) in the absence of ”the trigger” of the panic attacks? If yes (which usually is the case), then these symptoms of the panic are voluntary. They are controlled in your mind, apart from ”the trigger.”
Practise bringing these symptoms about, in the absence of an attack. Get to know your control of them. When an attack is coming, control your breathing first; and know that all these other ”symptoms” are still under your control.
2.) The ”state of mind fix.”
One of the greatest ideas I’ve come across in this area is a quote from William James, father of American psychology: ”We weep not because we are sorrowful; rather, we are sorrowful because we weep.” Yes, there is an initial emotional response, exclusively in the mind, but our physical condition determines just how deeply/thoroughly/vividly/etc. these emotions are felt.
For example: it is a proven fact that if you make a genuine effort to smile more, over a long period of time, your general ”default mood” will be more and more happy over time.
Your physical condition determines just how intense any emotion is experienced.
Control your breathing first, then everything else.
You must undo the conditioning that’s been done by your panic attacks. You got panic attacks through classical conditioning, and you can get rid of them the same way–It all depends on what you habitually feed your mind. If all you think about is worrying about your panic attacks coming and making you lose control, then gosh-darnit, that’s what’ll happen! ”Imagination triumphs over desire.”
Instead, ”direct a movie” in your mind. Starring yourself and anyone else you want in there, along with whatever gets you panicked. Imagine yourself being calm, serene, content, happy, and carefree. Feel those emotions. Let your imagination be as vivid and detailed as possible, but remain positive. Picture yourself reacting the way you want to; free from panic and anxiety. Feel the happiness of such freedom.
A thought that is paired with an emotion is a belief, or a meditation, in this instance. It will train your mind to respond according to that thought and emotion. This is how the panic attacks have ”risen to power” in the first place; and this is precisely how they will leave.
No pill gave you the panic attacks; they came from your mind, through certain thoughts you embraced. This is how they came, and this is how they are going to leave.
”As a man thinks in his heart, so shall he be.”
”The thing I dreaded has come upon me.”
”According to your belief, it is done unto you.”
Whatever happens in your mind is a product of your thoughts, beliefs, and meditations.
The panic attacks are coming from your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind can’t think for itself. It relies on your conscious mind for direction, and then unfailingly carries out whatever it is told.
No matter how strong the panic attacks are, they are not stronger than you, because you created them, and you can destroy them.
Just believe. There is not even ”don’t doubt;” only ”feed the good beliefs.”
”What you feed thrives, what you starve dies.”
Comments
Comment from Elaine
Time February 11, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Have you ever explained to your boyfriend the reasons why you have these panic attacks? Perhaps if he knew he’d be more understanding.
All the best. I feel for you.
References :
Comment from phtokhos
Time February 11, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Our instinctual reactions to panic do absolutely nothing to decrease its occurrence. We tense up, can’t speak, sweaty palms, short of breath, or whatever else; and then, we distance ourselves from the thing that caused it. This uses Classical Conditioning to reinforce our reaction of fear.
1.) The ”mechanical fix.”
Can you bring on a panic attack (or the symptoms of it) in the absence of ”the trigger” of the panic attacks? If yes (which usually is the case), then these symptoms of the panic are voluntary. They are controlled in your mind, apart from ”the trigger.”
Practise bringing these symptoms about, in the absence of an attack. Get to know your control of them. When an attack is coming, control your breathing first; and know that all these other ”symptoms” are still under your control.
2.) The ”state of mind fix.”
One of the greatest ideas I’ve come across in this area is a quote from William James, father of American psychology: ”We weep not because we are sorrowful; rather, we are sorrowful because we weep.” Yes, there is an initial emotional response, exclusively in the mind, but our physical condition determines just how deeply/thoroughly/vividly/etc. these emotions are felt.
For example: it is a proven fact that if you make a genuine effort to smile more, over a long period of time, your general ”default mood” will be more and more happy over time.
Your physical condition determines just how intense any emotion is experienced.
Control your breathing first, then everything else.
You must undo the conditioning that’s been done by your panic attacks. You got panic attacks through classical conditioning, and you can get rid of them the same way–It all depends on what you habitually feed your mind. If all you think about is worrying about your panic attacks coming and making you lose control, then gosh-darnit, that’s what’ll happen! ”Imagination triumphs over desire.”
Instead, ”direct a movie” in your mind. Starring yourself and anyone else you want in there, along with whatever gets you panicked. Imagine yourself being calm, serene, content, happy, and carefree. Feel those emotions. Let your imagination be as vivid and detailed as possible, but remain positive. Picture yourself reacting the way you want to; free from panic and anxiety. Feel the happiness of such freedom.
A thought that is paired with an emotion is a belief, or a meditation, in this instance. It will train your mind to respond according to that thought and emotion. This is how the panic attacks have ”risen to power” in the first place; and this is precisely how they will leave.
No pill gave you the panic attacks; they came from your mind, through certain thoughts you embraced. This is how they came, and this is how they are going to leave.
”As a man thinks in his heart, so shall he be.”
”The thing I dreaded has come upon me.”
”According to your belief, it is done unto you.”
Whatever happens in your mind is a product of your thoughts, beliefs, and meditations.
The panic attacks are coming from your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind can’t think for itself. It relies on your conscious mind for direction, and then unfailingly carries out whatever it is told.
No matter how strong the panic attacks are, they are not stronger than you, because you created them, and you can destroy them.
Just believe. There is not even ”don’t doubt;” only ”feed the good beliefs.”
”What you feed thrives, what you starve dies.”
References :
Joseph Murphy, Ph.D., D.D.
Comment from Katherine W
Time February 11, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Medication will help you, look into it.
References :
Comment from Andre
Time February 11, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Many people get panic attacks and most others don’t understand them.
If your boyfriend gets upset, it might be better to just talk to him when you’re relaxed.
Have him review this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_attack
…and as far as a cure for the attacks, look deep within and try to figure out what might be causing those attacks.
All the best.
References :