Help, I think I am going to have a panic attack from too much worry.?
I have been married for ten years we have been together for 16 years. Last night my best friend was over at my house. My husband flirted with her all night saying how beautiful she is and just acting like a damn fool. He has NEVER acted like this before. It made her feel weird and made me feel even weider. As if that wasn’t bad enough he treated me like ****. He called me a dumb ***, cussed and yelled at me in front of her and even was hateful to our children who were playing together. He has always been kind of a jerk which I overlook most of the time but I have never seen my husband flirt with another woman before. And why did he pick my best friend to do it with? What should I do about it? If it were not for my son I would pack up and leave him!!
31 minutes ago – 3 days left to answer.
Additional Details
12 minutes ago
My heart feels like it is broke in a million pieces. This is the second time this year he has made me feel like I might need medication just to cope with my marriage. only the first time was a totally different situation. My heart actually hurts!!
I am going to need counceling to be able to stay with him and he won’t go with me. We cannot afford it anyway. If I leave him what will happen to my child. My freind who is divorced has to share her child with her ex every other week. I will not share my child with him like that.
no he dosn’t drink or do drugs never.
Yikes, I can’re share my son with him. I can’t go for days at a time without being with my son. That would kill me and my son. NEVER!
We have sex all the time!! if he is dissatisfyed it is not in the department. I have damn good sex with him even when I don’t really want to.
And about leaving him for my son’s sake what good is that going to do for my sone when my husband will most likley have him every other week by himself! I won’t be there to tell him to quit being a jerk all the time. Is that not a little worrisome!!
Well first off take deep calming breaths, try square breathing when you feel the panic setting in. Breathe in to the count of 4, hold 4, breathe out to the count of 4, hold 4. It will slow your heart rate down and bring the surge of adrenaline under control. Your husband acted like a fool, his actions were immature to the extreme. It almost sounds like a little boy misbehaving for attention. He is angry about something, and is reacting. You say if it wasn’t for your son you would leave, but your son is not better off witnessing this kind of behavior. Was he drunk? You need to confront him, and ask him wtf he was thinking, don’t let him turn it on you, He owes you an apology, big time. And why did he choose your best friend? Because he was trying to hit you where it hurt. You need to find out why, or there won’t be peace in your home. He hurt you on purpose, is that acceptable behavior? No it’s not, so quit sitting there worrying about it and find out why he felt the need to embarrass himself and you.
Shared custody is normal, he has the right to see his child but he doesn’t have the right to treat you like garbage. And it will damage your son in the long run, he will grow up thinking it’s OK to treat women like crap.
Comments
Comment from Marina
Time January 6, 2010 at 3:26 am
Your husband is attempting to provoke you. He may be trying to get you to end the marriage so he doesn’t have to. In any case, he is trying to provoke you and he’s doing it on purpose. I don’t know whether he is on drugs, or what’s going on, but he has an agenda. I think that medication would actually be helpful so you can think straight and make some decisions. Take care.
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I’m on meds and it’s extremely helpful.
Comment from Jen N
Time January 6, 2010 at 3:39 am
Well first off take deep calming breaths, try square breathing when you feel the panic setting in. Breathe in to the count of 4, hold 4, breathe out to the count of 4, hold 4. It will slow your heart rate down and bring the surge of adrenaline under control. Your husband acted like a fool, his actions were immature to the extreme. It almost sounds like a little boy misbehaving for attention. He is angry about something, and is reacting. You say if it wasn’t for your son you would leave, but your son is not better off witnessing this kind of behavior. Was he drunk? You need to confront him, and ask him wtf he was thinking, don’t let him turn it on you, He owes you an apology, big time. And why did he choose your best friend? Because he was trying to hit you where it hurt. You need to find out why, or there won’t be peace in your home. He hurt you on purpose, is that acceptable behavior? No it’s not, so quit sitting there worrying about it and find out why he felt the need to embarrass himself and you.
Shared custody is normal, he has the right to see his child but he doesn’t have the right to treat you like garbage. And it will damage your son in the long run, he will grow up thinking it’s OK to treat women like crap.
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Comment from ~*Honest Blunt Opinioner*~
Time January 6, 2010 at 4:07 am
"If it were not for my son I would pack up and leave him!!"
that’s STUPID. so you’re staying because you have a son? your happiness matters to, why don’t people understand that?! you SHOULD leave BECAUSE of your son. don’t teach your son that the way your idiot husband is acting is okay. that’s exactly what you’re doing. hes only treating you this way because you don’t have a backbone and you’re allowing him to do this. what kind of husband flirts in front of his wife? what kind of husband flirts with his wife’s friend? what kind of husband uses violent words against his wife? what kind of husband has the nerve to call her names and make her feel bad about herself? doesn’t sound like a husband to me, sounds like an abuser. you can choose to spend the rest of your life with a man who’s going to take you and your son for granted, or you can be a strong woman, take your son and get out!
and another thing, that fact that he doesn’t go to counseling with you only tells you that he isn’t concerned about the marriage. you can’t make a marriage work if only one is willing to do the changes.
*edit*
then i dont know what else to say to you. its like youre saying its okay for him to treat you like crap, i will never understand some women.
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Comment from Bob T
Time January 6, 2010 at 4:18 am
You cannot afford not to seek counseling. Can you seek it through a church or government agency?
He is dissatisfied, but needs to reexamine his need to be thankful for the life he has.
When you feel as if a panic attack is coming, practice slow deep breathing techniques and take time to pray.
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Comment from sr_engr
Time January 6, 2010 at 3:07 am
Was he drunk or stoned?
This sounds like non-rational behavior. Every guy knows that when you divorce your wife she gets at least half of everything.. including your future income for the rest of your life.
If he wanted to cheat, and had a brain, he would never ever ever ever do it where you could find it. If you could find it in him, he would just straight never do it.
This sounds like his behavior was not under control of his rational mind – but a product of an altered state.
Oh, get counseling for the verbal abuse. If you are going to end up with a divorce – you having proof that you pushed for relationl counseling gives you a stronger position. If goes – good, if not get proof, and that gives you a stronger position.
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