My Panic Attack Solution

Comment from sweetness
Time February 15, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Your a child
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Comment from trailsend_ranch
Time February 15, 2010 at 2:55 pm

I suggest leaving this man.
Go in and get your life together with deep counceling.
Then you will be ready for the next relationship.
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Comment from angel_on_duty_016
Time February 15, 2010 at 3:06 pm

I think you need to talk to him about…and that you both need to go to counseling…you haven’t dealt with the things you’ve gone through in your life and there is medicine out there that will help you with those anxiety attacks….and how does he get into moods that makes him talk to you that way because it is NOT ok!!!! Just go get help in any way you can cause it’s not a healthy relationship!!
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Comment from fjaellan
Time February 15, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Dear woman!
Please respect yourself and find somebody who treats you well. Verbal abuse is also abuse, and you need someone who can heal you, not someone who destroys you.

Seek help in a friend or councellor, build up the courage to leave him, get to know yourself and your needs, then I’m sure everything will work out right for you.

Or, less drastic: If you think he’s open to family counselling, take him to that. But I have to say him saying he hates you does not sound like a solid base.

Good luck!
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Comment from MommaBear
Time February 15, 2010 at 3:34 pm

So what are the reasons that you are still with him?
I’m sorry but the good do not out weigh the bad in this relationship.
If I were you and in that kind of relationship, I would rather be alone.
How do you know that he’s not complicating your life by adding stress to it?
Maybe you would be better off without him.
I really don’t think you can be any worse.
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Comment from Average Joe
Time February 15, 2010 at 3:41 pm

I think you should leave this guy and take time away to get your life straight. I do not think you should stay with anyone who will use your problems against you. Even if it is in a fit of anger, you want someone with more control then that. Take a time out from dating, work on anger management for your temper, and get in treatment for your drinking. The last thing you want when you have children is a bad temper or drinking. You will need to be sober and in control of your temper before you have children. Then find yourself a guy who can work through your problems with you and not use them against you.
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Comment from crappiekat1
Time February 15, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Before you can have a sucessful relationship with someone else you must first work on yourself. No one can make you feel better about yourself.Deal with the panic attacks, mood swings,and the temper,then maybe things will be better between the two of you.
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Comment from Taz
Time February 15, 2010 at 4:21 pm

I suggest that you should try one of two things. Either look for the relationship first and worry about a child later or look into a sperm Donner and have a baby. Then when you get with someone you will know if he is the one because if you have a baby and he knows that then he is good to marry.
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Comment from Prophetess_In_Training
Time February 15, 2010 at 4:44 pm

My sister went through the same thing . Except she had a still born at 9 months. her relationship with the baby father went down hill after that. All they did was fight. She figured if she had another baby all the anger and hurt would go away. but it didn’t. She suffered panic attacks. which kept causing her to get into car accidents. She realized she had a problem not only with anger and panic attacks but also with men. She is now seeking counseling. It’s actually working quite well for her. Maybe you should try it.
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Comment from Lostandconfused
Time February 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. I can’t imagine why someone would think it was right to verbally attack another person with the things that they know are going to hurt the most. Have you ever tried counseling, either as a couple or you individually? That may be a good start, it might even be a good idea for you to do both. I hope things get better for you.
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Comment from Martuchis
Time February 15, 2010 at 5:23 pm

I honestly think you’ve been through a lot and for you to put up with more is just too much. I don’t know why he gets moody at times, but he really has no reason to use your past or anything he has against you. I believe when someone is angry they tend to tell you things that might upset you or really hurt you and sometimes they might not mean to say all those stuff. You are who you are, i don’t think you’re childish just because you get panic attacks. If i were you i would do the same thing you did before, you don’t need to be with anyone that tells you they hate you. Take a day for yourself and really ask yourself if you really want to marry him. About your desire to have children, i believe we all desire such thing, but it’ll come, it takes time.
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Comment from Lissy
Time February 15, 2010 at 5:38 pm

YOU NEED TO LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF A BIT MORE.

You should not be worried about having a child and taking care of it, when you can’t take care of yourself. I am not saying this to be mean, and I am sorry for all of things you are going through but….

If you want my honest opinion, you need to get help and worry about you.

It sounds like you have anxiety issues and depressive issues.
See a counselor and a doctor. Break up with your boyfriend and get a place of your own and do not worry about being in a relationship for about 6-12 months. Find out who you are without all of the crap.
Go to work, school, what ever you do, and enjoy a simple life with family and friends and that is it.

Even though you desire a child, and would love him/her with all your heart. It is not far to bring that child into this world with how you feel. The past is not who you are. You can change and be happier. You can find someone better for you who will love you and a child and I beleive you will.

First, see a counselor and a doctor.
Second, move out and move on with your life (ALONE)
Third, discover who you are and change the negative into positive!

Finally, fall in love-get married and have achild.
If you do all this now, in 5 years you will have all that you want, if you give yourself some respect and love.

Also, if you aren’t meant to concieve, there is adoption. GOD will give you a child the way you are meant to get one.
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Comment from colleen d
Time February 15, 2010 at 6:14 pm

HE DONT LOVE HIMSELF,SO HOW COULD HE LOVE YOU…thats just plain,down right,WRONG,especially with you having these issues with your panic attacks,its just wrong,if he says those things when hes mad,hes more than likely saying the truth(how he views it)and im sorry to say this but maybe you need to rethink things,my personal opinion:get rid of him before it gets worse…tata
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Comment from Robert M
Time February 15, 2010 at 6:40 pm

You need to be by yourself until you are able to be at ease with yourself. And try to keep away from the drink as it will just depress you even more. Your current boyfriend sound like a child himself to throw all your problems back in your face at the slightest problem. If you go and see your doctor and explain your problems he might have a solution for you. Or try taking up a "hobby/pastime. All the best and hope you get some resolution to your problems. GOD BLESS
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Comment from Yani
Time February 15, 2010 at 7:08 pm

can i ask you a question?
why are u with this guy??????

first of all find the right person you want to spend ur life with and then think about the children afterwards…
dont do childish decisions
u need to calm down and take things one by one

u deserve better than that
leave this guy … hes not the one for you
my friend found her husband at about 32 and were married about 2 years later… now they have a child
so dont worry…
you’ll have ur own perfect partner…but this is one is not im sorry
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Comment from myfavouritelucy
Time February 15, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Oh you poor thing. This man sounds pretty much like the child he is accusing you of being. But its difficult, I had a relationship for 15 years with a sweet lovely man, who had another side to him, a bully and a coward. I still feel for him, but he was making me bear the burden of HIS problems, blaming me for everything HE did. Everyone knows the man who hits his wife, and then says ‘why do you make me do this?’ but because you love the nice part of them, you sort of believe it when they do blame you. Is there anyway you can get away for a while, just to clear your head. If he KNOWS you are near to the end of taking any more of his behaviour, it may clear his mind too. It sounds like you are both mixd up, and maybe something needs to happen to make you both think straight. He probably hates himself for saying the things he does, and its done out of fear or panic or whatever. If you can both talk to each other about what scares you both, without getting into the blame game, you might find common ground. It sounds like he does care, you know, and buying little prezzies is a device he uses because he doesnt know what words to use to tell youhe cares. If I had one wish, it would be that all un happy people could be happy. I really hope you find some kind of peace soon.
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Comment from dawnb
Time February 15, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Actually you’ve been going about this all wrong. You need to get yourself into counseling and figure out why you continue to make bad choices and have made such a mess of yourself. You also do not need to bring any child into this life without a stable married relationship. Step away from any relationships until you get yourself together and please get some help or you will continue this destructive path.
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Comment from honey bunch
Time February 15, 2010 at 8:30 pm

you don’t need this sort of treatment. I put up with it for 17 years I’ve got my 3 boys but I will never have another relationship again as I just don’t trust anyone any more. If you stay in this relationship you will slowly lose all your confidence and you will keep telling yourself he will change but they never do. I thought I had Mr Right he wined and dined me 3-4 nights a week gave me gifts and I was on cloud nine it wasn’t until the wedding ring went on my finger that things changed for the worse. You will meet someone descent in time. Majority of people nowadays wait to have children when they are in their 30s I was 38 when I had my third child.
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Comment from Lavender
Time February 15, 2010 at 9:19 pm

people say all kind of bad things they dont mean when angry,but this guy is def out of order knowing wat you have been through. if its making you unhappy and effecting your self esteem ,you should get out now.
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Comment from The Pea Head
Time February 15, 2010 at 9:59 pm

I think you should think about yourself first. Never mind your partner or children. It sounds like you need to love yourself. Once you’ve done that, then you can love others and be ready for a fulfilling relationship, which ultimately could result in a child. Having a child is not a piece of cake (not just the conceiving bit). They are hard work, I should know I have a 9month year old, it puts a real strain on you and your relationship, so if the foundations of your relationship are not good, then you shouldn’t have a child with that person. I think you should address your drink problem and perhaps seek out some counselling for the other troubles in your life. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST – Take care and look after yourself.
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I was always in a bad relationships. I spent time on my own and finally met my husband 5 years ago and we have a beautiful son.

Comment from Moonface
Time February 15, 2010 at 10:14 pm

Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. The following steps will eliminate (or at least significantly reduce) your panic attacks:

1.Breathe properly – if you control your breathing, you control panic. As soon as you notice the signs of anxiety, check your breathing: breathe in slowly through your nose pushing your tummy out (to the count of 5 or so). Breathe out slowly and for a bit longer (to the count of 7 or so) through your mouth. Do not breathe rapidly or shallowly (in the chest area). This will soon restore the balance of oxygen and you will feel a lot better.

2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy! CBT is proven to be the most effective thing for panic attacks, OCD and anxiety etc. It takes a bit of work, but it is super effective. (After 15 years of panic attacks, mine stopped completely). You can speak to your doctor about taking a course or you can take a course for free online at: http://www.livinglifetothefull.com

3. Try relaxation exercise tapes (progressive muscular relaxation). They really help if you practise often enough. You can get free downloads online, e.g. http://www.studentservices.utas.edu.au/counselling/audio_resources/index.html

With each step practise makes perfect. (i.e. practise the steps every day, not just when you are feeling bad). These steps may well help your partner deal with his issues too. Either way, once you have completed CBT you’ll be in a stronger position to know what is best for you. I hope you feel better soon. Best of luck!
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