i need advice and help on what to do – am i getting the right help ?
i was diagnosed with borderline personality and ptsd traits a 2 years ago….before then ive never had consistant treatment and slipped through the net.
ive had a hard existance full of unfair misfortunes, my psychiatrist wont give me medications because he said there addictive and wont work in the long term..
they give me an occupational therapist to help me get out to face my agoraphobia and anxiety , go to a resource centre where they do different activities , to help reintegrate me with humanity again.
they declined me from group therapy, 5 days a week because after being isolated so long they said group therapy would be to intense and very challenging, so to try the drop in resource centre , with a view to be re-refered back to the group therapy.
they dont have individual psychotherapy in my area because of lack of funding and resources , so i have to go along with what they offer for now.
most of my adult life ive struggled with aggression outbursts, paranoia, anxiety panic attacks, low self esteem, racing thoughts , struggle to focus sometimes on text or on things.
ive made a lot of progress by myself for years now..
i exist in a one bedroom apartment on disability, i own not very many possessions and im starting from scratch in life at nearly 31.
ive missed out on everything in life: forming relationships , being employed , getting qualifications , education , and just basically living my life.
i live alone in a one bedroom apartment in the north of britain, ive lived alone for 4 years now – individual psychotherapy is not available in my area because of lack of resources , so im having to accept what their offering which is : an occupational therapist to help me get out, and face my anxieties practically – and to attend a drop in resource centre where they do different activities to help me integrate with humanity again because ive been isolated for so long…
im on disability and i own virtually nothing except a computer, i get angry a lot sometimes…
my ankle is injured, ( torn tendons ) due to a bad sprain years ago, running through a meadow at night. im doing physio excercises, it will need operating on.
im out of shape and unfit because of long term inactivity.
my doctor today just perscribed bisoprolol 2. 5mg for my anxiety.
my psychiatrist wont perscribe meds because he said alot of them are addictive and dont work over the long term – so im greatful to my doctor for perscribing something.
im at clear disadvantages in life.
my ambitions and goals in life that ive had since childhood are : to attain a decent paid job in computers , then to leave england, move abroad to europe , live near a coastline or near nature , find a partner , get my own home , live simply and securely.
but how will i achieve that at my disadvantages at my age of nearly 31?
i just feel overwhelmed , like im not getting the right help or the same help as someone else in my situation, with my disorders..
what do you think ?
I think I can help you. I believe I know what you are talking about, having had lots of personal experience with it.
My Dad had BPD, PTSD and agoraphobia and passed a lot of those traits on to us (his kids). I fully forgive him for it. At heart he was an incredible guy. My Mum became a psychologist, mostly trying to find ways to deal with the mental issues of myself and my family. The stream I went to find solutions for my family was the natural health and nutrition stream.
One of my brothers has anxiety and agoraphobia, but he is slowly getting better and making progress, like you. That’s all anyone can ask for. We’re only human. My little bro couldn’t face going to school so did home-schooling, but over the years he has gradually learned to do things like catching buses, for which we are very proud of him.
My little bro also has severe scoliosis (from sitting in front of a computer for his whole life) so looks a bit like the hunchback and he’s only 20 years old.
I understand how you feel about wanting some drugs because it is just so overwhelming to try and cope with it all on your own. However, I feel that your psychiatrist must be a sincere and good one, to restrain himself from proscribing drugs to you. The mental health drugs ARE very addictive, and they have not helped my Dad nor my sister to overcome their mental issues. (Drugs are the path they took… Dad did not get any other therapy except drugs… and he should have.) In Dad’s case, who took Prozac for 10 years, they actually made him more aggressive, and that side effect is now scientifically verified (I learned it in my nursing studies).
I was never diagnosed, but my Mum says I show traits of BPD, and I’ve also had anxiety and depression for 7 years, and probably PTSD, too (always been hypervigilant from living with my Dad for so long).
In Australia the funding for psychotherapy is very limited, hence why my Mum went into the profession, to help her family. This is also why I became a homoeopath and nutritionist, and why I’m now studying nursing. Drugs just do not cure in cases like ours. There’s a very complex set of factors at play, and I feel that maybe I can help you with some of those.
I learned in my nursing studies that mind-altering drugs create a "reward pathway" in the brain that causes addictive behaviours to continue. Because of epilepsy, I was on anticonvulsants from infancy to age 16. After I went off my drugs at age 16 (no more fits and just SICK of taking drugs.. my liver was pretty toxic, too), I’ve had problems with anxiety and depression ever since. I believe that is a combination of factors, including sensitive brain chemistry and the addiction pathways that my brain learned to follow since infancy.
What I found really helpful was the FAILSAFE diet. Most people know that some foods can affect the behaviour of children, but the same foods can continue to affect the brains of adults! It is known as "food intolerance". The Elimination Diet can help you identify which foods you react to, and the FAILSAFE website can help you get resources to change your diet to one that will support and calm down your brain chemistry: http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info.
Just for a taste of the info: Amines (commonly found in tomatoes, cheese, wine, grapes, saltanas, nuts, and old meat) cause aggression and also anxiety. Salicylates (in many fruits, especially tomatoes, and others) cause that racy feeling where your thoughts can’t slow down, and also contribute to anxiety. Glutamates and artificial additives can have similar mind-altering effects (giving insomnia and racing thoughts, aggression and hyperactivity).
This diet could be the very thing to set you on the path to recovery (it was for me) or it might be one factor in the big plan to solve your problems. If you need any help or clarification on the diet, please feel free to email me.
I think you should forgive yourself for any perceived lacks that you have. As you said, you’ve already made a great deal of progress by yourself and that is worth congratulations. It is a hard slog. You’re doing a great job.
Best wishes on your journey. Feel free to contact me by email if you would like some like-minded support or help. I’ll do what I can, although of course I am only human. Your experiences and suffering gives you compassion, and that is a very valuable and rare commodity, these days. ?
Comments
Comment from edwardnow
Time February 14, 2010 at 11:41 am
Judging from your other questions I thought you were a master guru. I think that you have more going for you than you believe. I have suffered from PTSD and I have yet to stick with pills. I’ve tried them once but it made me suicidal. I knew that it wasn’t my normal thought process so I got off of them and now I am scared of pills altogether.
It is refreshing for you to share so much and I am sorry for your pain. Please keep the questions coming. One even made me make up a poem for an answer to your question. I hope you find the help you need. I would like to see you do well. Maybe you could start a blog. If you do send me a link. You are inspiriting so maybe you could start an online support group on a blog or something. All the best.
References :
Comment from MumOf4
Time February 14, 2010 at 11:51 am
I think I can help you. I believe I know what you are talking about, having had lots of personal experience with it.
My Dad had BPD, PTSD and agoraphobia and passed a lot of those traits on to us (his kids). I fully forgive him for it. At heart he was an incredible guy. My Mum became a psychologist, mostly trying to find ways to deal with the mental issues of myself and my family. The stream I went to find solutions for my family was the natural health and nutrition stream.
One of my brothers has anxiety and agoraphobia, but he is slowly getting better and making progress, like you. That’s all anyone can ask for. We’re only human. My little bro couldn’t face going to school so did home-schooling, but over the years he has gradually learned to do things like catching buses, for which we are very proud of him.
My little bro also has severe scoliosis (from sitting in front of a computer for his whole life) so looks a bit like the hunchback and he’s only 20 years old.
I understand how you feel about wanting some drugs because it is just so overwhelming to try and cope with it all on your own. However, I feel that your psychiatrist must be a sincere and good one, to restrain himself from proscribing drugs to you. The mental health drugs ARE very addictive, and they have not helped my Dad nor my sister to overcome their mental issues. (Drugs are the path they took… Dad did not get any other therapy except drugs… and he should have.) In Dad’s case, who took Prozac for 10 years, they actually made him more aggressive, and that side effect is now scientifically verified (I learned it in my nursing studies).
I was never diagnosed, but my Mum says I show traits of BPD, and I’ve also had anxiety and depression for 7 years, and probably PTSD, too (always been hypervigilant from living with my Dad for so long).
In Australia the funding for psychotherapy is very limited, hence why my Mum went into the profession, to help her family. This is also why I became a homoeopath and nutritionist, and why I’m now studying nursing. Drugs just do not cure in cases like ours. There’s a very complex set of factors at play, and I feel that maybe I can help you with some of those.
I learned in my nursing studies that mind-altering drugs create a "reward pathway" in the brain that causes addictive behaviours to continue. Because of epilepsy, I was on anticonvulsants from infancy to age 16. After I went off my drugs at age 16 (no more fits and just SICK of taking drugs.. my liver was pretty toxic, too), I’ve had problems with anxiety and depression ever since. I believe that is a combination of factors, including sensitive brain chemistry and the addiction pathways that my brain learned to follow since infancy.
What I found really helpful was the FAILSAFE diet. Most people know that some foods can affect the behaviour of children, but the same foods can continue to affect the brains of adults! It is known as "food intolerance". The Elimination Diet can help you identify which foods you react to, and the FAILSAFE website can help you get resources to change your diet to one that will support and calm down your brain chemistry: http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info.
Just for a taste of the info: Amines (commonly found in tomatoes, cheese, wine, grapes, saltanas, nuts, and old meat) cause aggression and also anxiety. Salicylates (in many fruits, especially tomatoes, and others) cause that racy feeling where your thoughts can’t slow down, and also contribute to anxiety. Glutamates and artificial additives can have similar mind-altering effects (giving insomnia and racing thoughts, aggression and hyperactivity).
This diet could be the very thing to set you on the path to recovery (it was for me) or it might be one factor in the big plan to solve your problems. If you need any help or clarification on the diet, please feel free to email me.
I think you should forgive yourself for any perceived lacks that you have. As you said, you’ve already made a great deal of progress by yourself and that is worth congratulations. It is a hard slog. You’re doing a great job.
Best wishes on your journey. Feel free to contact me by email if you would like some like-minded support or help. I’ll do what I can, although of course I am only human. Your experiences and suffering gives you compassion, and that is a very valuable and rare commodity, these days. ?
References :
Comment from Darla
Time February 14, 2010 at 11:31 am
Hi Doll,
so sorry about your circumstances and history.
there is a therapy called "dialectical behavior therapy", see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavioral_therapy
go ahead and google it (not sure if google cares how you spell "behavior" – with or without a "u"), you can look at tons of info about the therapy, and though it may not be available in your area you could still research the treatments and put them into practice. you could talk to your psychiatrist about receiving/integrating treatment along those lines.
hopefully, he will be open to using a different method than what he has been using… but, go ahead and gather all the info you can, start utilizing the tools in the program to help with self-esteem, and taking the small steps to achieving your short-term and then long-term goals.
you are still very young and you still have your whole life ahead of you. each day is a new day and you can learn how to make your life what you want it to be. start by believing in yourself, stop putting yourself down, build up your hope for a great future, and believe and hope and then believe and hope some more. no matter how hopeless you feel, keep putting the negative thoughts out and putting in positive ones.
as you are home and on your computer you have some time to research this type of therapy and although a group is usually involved you can still learn the techniques on your own – with or without a therapist or group. you can do the daily logs and monitor yourself. you can learn to be more mindful, and how to use the tools to help you with stress and stressful situations.
if there is a library or college around you might be able to find textbooks about this sort of therapy. you could try to find the workbooks with the detailed info.
hang in there, try to go the resource center and slowly get involved with some people and activities – at YOUR pace, you don’t have to do everything and make friends with everyone your first day, week, month, etc… but, try to get out and deal with even just being around people. people will probably try to talk to you, and that’s ok. use the mindfulness techniques to give the chat(s) a go. then, once you are a bit more comfortable you can re-apply for group sessions. and, you aren’t usually forced into saying anything in a group except your name and maybe say a little about why you are there, then, once that is over, you don’t have to talk until you feel more comfortable.
but, really, get all the info you can about the techniques and tools for the dialectical behavior therapy and start putting them into practice, ask your psychiatrist (is he also your therapist?) to integrate the therapy into your sessions.
keep believing and work towards your specific goals, you will see the progress. it is a bit more difficult without guidance, but, with enough research and maybe some help from your therapist you will see the results.
i did this therapy for almost a year and a half and i still use the techniques and tools to this day – over a decade later.
it can really help you on so many levels, and provide results! the harder you work at it the faster you will see the results.
Best Wishes!
check this out too:
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/
References :