Mental illness, please help? ):?
i am a 14 year old girl, i had a great life 
good friends and a massive dream. I was the smartest person in class, the quiet achiever. But about a month ago, i began to have negative thoughts.Like i had a thing with bad luck.
Then i really started to question my mind. Like i dont feel the same. I think about thoughts, nothing in particular just thoughts of what i should be thinking at this very moment. I keep going over and over it in my mind and it wont stop ;(
I really love life and it makes me burst into tears all day, because i am too afraid of my own mind. I never think of reality just this thought definition going on in my head, like how my thoughts flow and stuff and it agitates me. It feels like so long since i had a normal life. I am afraid of life, but i am so young i have so many things i want to accomplish, i want to be alive for my family and friends.
But no, i think it is my time to fly out of the nest 
i am on the verge of tears rite now, coz my life is over and i cant control my mind, i am afraid of it. I have forgotten how to think normal. I am damaging my organs and my brain. I feel sluggish all the time, headaches are normal to me now. I had a anxiety disorder, so i am stressed 24/7 My heart burns and i have panic attacks. Once i was lying awake at night and i felt like i couldn’t breathe, it was terrible i couldn’t sleep coz i had a fear of going to sleep and not breathing.
I was a fit person, now i feel depressed and can’t do anything. I feel so selfish coz i have a choice to live my life and some people don’t ;( i hate myself, i am a selfish person. I dont deserve life I am crying you can call me whatever, i dont care about reality anymore, i just want to be happy again i really do, but i am slipping away, slowly in pain. My brain is messed up, there is no future anymore. I might as well dig a hole and go lie in it
All my hard work, destroyed, gone forever
my love of life gone away, from a very selfish loser.
Do i need help?
This post really breaks my heart because the things you are describing are some of the exact things I dealt with when I was in adolescence. I can tell by your post that you are intelligent, articulate, and insightful and those things will be your skills to help you through this.
Please speak with the school psychologist or counselor. If you have a good relationship with your parents and are comfortable, ask them if they can help you access a therapist and a doctor through their insurance to help you with some problems you’ve been having; you don’t have to go into detail if you don’t want.
I know about that punishing anxiety that you think will swallow you whole but I’m 30 now and I can’t believe how much better things got when I got help.
Good Luck. Don’t delay!
Comments
Comment from bob
Time November 19, 2009 at 7:54 am
YES you most certainly do.. Ive felt that way many times in my life… and I am going through a bout of it currently in fact. BUT you KNOW that really you love life and this is NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT…… so thats awesome! thats the hardest part…. now just seek help.. sometimes you need a jolt to get you out of this… sometimes that is someone to talk to and give you perspective, sometimes that could be drugs
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Comment from John C
Time November 19, 2009 at 8:00 am
This post really breaks my heart because the things you are describing are some of the exact things I dealt with when I was in adolescence. I can tell by your post that you are intelligent, articulate, and insightful and those things will be your skills to help you through this.
Please speak with the school psychologist or counselor. If you have a good relationship with your parents and are comfortable, ask them if they can help you access a therapist and a doctor through their insurance to help you with some problems you’ve been having; you don’t have to go into detail if you don’t want.
I know about that punishing anxiety that you think will swallow you whole but I’m 30 now and I can’t believe how much better things got when I got help.
Good Luck. Don’t delay!
References :
B.A. in Biology and Psychology. Diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.
Comment from Johnny.Rockers
Time November 19, 2009 at 8:27 am
Sounds like you just have anxiety and maybe a bit of depression. It’s no big deal, this is pretty much when things like that would show up and are fairly common. Just go ahead and see a doctor, they can prescribe some med, or possibly, if you prefer, see a counselor and get in some talking therapy. Either route, I think, would benefit you greatly.
No worries, you will get back to enjoying life soon enough, just seek a bit of help and it will all be good
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Comment from ilovevincenoir
Time November 19, 2009 at 7:21 am
you need to see a counsellor, talk to your parents about this, it is not unusual to feel this way, lots of people go through it. hang in there, you’ll get better don’t worry, you’ve got so much to live for!
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