Panic attacks ended my relationship. Should I try to explain this to her?
My situation is so depressing. I was with a girl for 4 years and could never commit. I always said we would get married, then just changed my mind and told her to wait. I didnt know I have a problem with stress and panic attacks until I went to the doctor and was diagnosed. Each time I just freaked out when I was goign to marry her, and I thought it was just meaning " I wasn’t ready" but now on medication I feel so much better and the doctor sadly assures me it was bcs. I became paralyzed and so scared and anxious with the panic attacks that I couldnt make a decision and did nohting. Well, my ex got married 6 months after she broke up with me (about 10 months ago) and I am still so devastated. I cant get over this, I love this girl so much, I mean she is the one….but she is now married. She has called me various times since the wedding, telling me she was desperate and confused. Should I even try to tell her about the panic attacks? She changed her phone so I have to write email.
…she is married, she moved on, you should too.Life is tough,
but, you get up and fight back…or lay down and give up…
…enjoy!
Comments
Comment from shine_radiantstar
Time November 23, 2009 at 10:15 pm
She has made vows. Its time to back off and let her work out whether she will stay in the marriage or break free. If she breaks free, then you can approach her, when you’re ready. It takes time and trust to get over the fear. If there is Love, it will out sooner or later. Love is never wasted. Love never dies.
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Lover in training
Comment from mafiosu
Time November 23, 2009 at 10:32 pm
You may suffer from panic attacks but something set them off. You can’t use them as an excuse for why you refused to commit. I think you love her so much cause she got away. Deal with your own issues right now and leave her alone. It’s over.
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Comment from KJ
Time November 23, 2009 at 10:39 pm
when i was diagnosed with something very serious, it opened up the world for me. everything made sense.
i was diagnosed, 3 days before i got the divorce papers. i thought she didn’t understand the illness and was cold and cruel.
but the thing is…..
when the person is living your disorder, they can’t see past your disorder, and you’re too busy pointing at your disorder for all the bad. but bottom line is this.
the disorder is part of you and she couldn’t live with that part of you.
let her go. i know it hurts, but let her go and start clean.
and in the future, don’t make excuses for your disorder. deal with it head on and overcome it.
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Comment from autumn
Time November 23, 2009 at 11:03 pm
This is a hard one. She is married now but you could at least explain to her about the panic attacks. It is so sad that this broke you apart and both of you didn’t even know why. Just be careful here, because you don’t want to do anything foolish like having an affair with a married woman. If she is unhappy in her marriage and realizes she made a mistake, then let her do something about it before the two of you become more than e-mail friends. She may want to give her marriage a chance or she may have already made up her mind that she made the wrong decision out of being desperate and confused. Just let her decide on her own. Don’t do anything to interfere with her marriage and her life. If it is meant to be, then it will happen. For now, you can explain to her about your panic attacks and how they affected you and how much better you feel now that you were diagnosed and on medication. It will make you feel better that you told her and it may help her to hear it, too. I hope all goes well for you. Just keep taking care of yourself and living your life the best you can and who knows what the future holds?!?!
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Comment from Nonfoo
Time November 23, 2009 at 11:31 pm
If you do decide to contact her, do so as to apologize, not to try and get back with her. If you have any intentions to try and get back, then leave her alone. But if it’s just to say you’re sorry for all you put her through, that’s fine. But don’t expect to remain friends. She’s moved on and so should you. If you truly love her, let her have a happy life now.
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Comment from mexican blackman loves tequila!
Time November 23, 2009 at 11:46 pm
def tell her about the panic attacks and everyone you just wrote to a bunch of strangers. if you can tell a bunch of strangers all this why cant you tell her? be honest, tell her you want her back and that you are ready. she will be very torn no doubt but you have to do it before she gets pregnant with the other guys kids. break up that rebound marriage!
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Comment from Alyssa M
Time November 24, 2009 at 12:26 am
she didnt waste any time opening her legs for someone else–forget about her!
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Comment from Wannabe
Time November 24, 2009 at 1:15 am
Yes I think you should tell her, not to win her back or break up her marriage, but you need to resolve the situation and you both need to understand why you did what you did. Its hard to move on with unanswered questions. You may never get her back, but you may recapture her respect, and it will help you both move on.
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Comment from heartssnarrows
Time November 24, 2009 at 2:05 am
Go ahead and write her. Tell her what the doctor explained to you. Give it time for her to think things through and then she will have to explain all this to her new husband.
Pray about this and with time you will see if all this was worth waiting.
The best to you.
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Comment from Deja Vu!
Time November 24, 2009 at 2:45 am
…she is married, she moved on, you should too.Life is tough,
but, you get up and fight back…or lay down and give up…
…enjoy!
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Comment from thedreammaster1984
Time November 23, 2009 at 9:32 pm
You can talk to her, but it would be wrong to break up her marriage.
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