My Panic Attack Solution

I’m 13 years old, and for last few i don’t know, i’ve just been feeling the same. I won’t lie to you, or exaggerate.. I’ve been abused physically and mentally by my family and I hate them very much. I get panic attacks, and I’m scared of having to rely on them when I’m older. And I have such a really unique cool life, but i think i’m just boring. I could be fun and outgoing, but all I feel right now is the same. I can’t explain anything I just feel the same. And I just feel myself fading. I’m extremely mature for my age, but not at the same time. I stay home most of the weekend when most of my "friends" go out, and I’d rather stay home and stay cooped up in my room, then go out. Because I just feel so uncomfortable with everyone. Even my family. I feel so awkward and I can’t be me when I’m around people, so I stay alone in my room most of the time, just because its less stressful and I always feel like I’m dragging people down. I wouldn’t consider myself nice, but I do care more about people then myself. I always try to help people, its true.

I’ve never told anyone my problems, and I really don’t know how. No one at home wants to listen, and all my friends just seem too nice to handle them, or they wouldn’t care. I’ve turned to music and poetry to help me, but it just seems like it doesn’t do enough. I feel like I’m 40 years old and I’m in a midlife crisis, and I just can’t handle it.

I know symptons of depression including different appetite and a lot of sleep or less sleep, but I don’t really do that stuff. Like, I’ll crawl under bed from the time I get home from school until dinnertime. And my room just makes me feel safe.

Am I depressed? Or is this just a phase of growing up? I really am worried about my mental stability right now.

I want you to know that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel like this. I’ve felt like this and most people have also.
There are many things you can do for yourself right now. As you do these things you will come out of this state you’re in and you will have learned many things, this may cause you to be thankful for your hardships once you the light comes through.

One of the best things you can do, if you’re not already doing it, is exercise. I know it sounds cliche, but getting your body moving and SWEATING is very very helpful in clearing up your mind. From a clear mind you will see your situation more clearly and that will enable positive and creative ideas into your mind which will excite you very much.

Another thing I want to share with you is the following: focusing on your breath. Again another thing that might sound cliche and new agey, but believe me this one is very powerful. Essentially when you feel anxious and thoughts are running through your head decide to watch your breath. You might realize that you are actually not breathing – it’s good your realize this because now you can bring your awareness and allow yourself to breath. Lack of oxygen will cloud your mind – you need good supply of oxygen to think straight. So observe your breath and engage in what they call "abdominal breathing", that is the breathing is very easy , your belly expands out as you inhale and relaxes as you exhale. Allow the exhalation to be effortless, don’t force the air out. Then wait for the desire for breath. This exercise will help you to ground yourself and think more clearly.

It’s hard when people around you can’t listen to you, or seem not to be able. Maybe they have their pains and anxieties and that’s why they can’t be there for you. But you are your own person, and ultimately you are responsible for yourself. This means you must find whatever means (be it the exercises I wrote above or any other outlet) to ground yourself and find wellness. I trust you can do this and that as you begin this work you will affect your surroundings positively and help those around you.

I wish you the best and I pray you find the strength that is within you!

Carpe Diem!