My Panic Attack Solution

Me and my ex bf broke up a while ago. We still hung out, had sex and told each other we loved each other. We’re basically not together anymore because he was sort of insecure about me and my friends, thinking that I might be cheating on him. I never did and don’t have the desire to because I truly believe I love this guy. Also because I had a friend, let’s call her Lisa, who made up rumors about me and her and him became friends(no not like that). Lisa is very slutty and I’m not just trying to bash her, it’s a fact. She’s manipulative, cheated on all of her boyfriends, uses the crap out of everyone, and says "Whatever, I’m bipolar" I guess as a crutch.
Every time I’m with my ex and Lisa shows up(she comes around on occasion because she is a house hopper with no real friends, job, or place to live), she makes a scene and calls me a slut and tells me to stay away from my ex because he’s like a brother to her (even though I introduced her to him just a few months ago) and that I don’t deserve him.

My ex still considers her a friend and admits that she’s very messed up in the head. I don’t get it. It makes him so much more less appealing that he would talk so negatively of her with me and others then go and hang out with her. But I kind of understand because before me he had almost no social life. His relationship with this girl is basically just doing fun recreational drugs and listening to her talk crap about people. I’m scared this might change him.But what really boggles me is that I don’t think he’s ever defended me when she had one of her episodes. Maybe because we both know that she’s psycho?

I used to show up at his house quite often, as an ex, and surprise him. Sometimes he’d be happy to see me, and sometimes he’d say he’s too tired and in a weird mood to hang out and he’d go and play video games alone. The last time we hung out, last week, we finally agreed not to have sex anymore because we want it to mean something. (we also haven’t had sex with anyone else since we’ve broken up)And we think it’s a cute idea to think of starting over and start dating again in exactly a month from today, because that’s when we started dating last year. Almost as if we rebirthed ourselves, learning from past mistakes, and left off where we began.

Should I show up at his house and be real or play hard to get and wait for him to call me? But the only problem is, that he’s kind of antisocial so he rarely initiates hang outs or phone calls for that matter. I’m scared to contact him anymore because I don’t want to seem needy and push him away. But at the same time I have nostalgia of when we were together and how comfortable we were with each other, telling each other everything and seeing each other almost everyday. So it makes me wonder if I have to treat him like I barely know him now that we’re "exes". I’m so used to being there for him all the time but I’m scared that he just doesn’t care as much as he used to anymore and talking is wasting my time.
I’ve heard that actions speak louder than words, but am I going to far?
I’m scared to my stomach and I’m having A LOT of anxiety. I really don’t want to let him go. We were so happy together. I really feel like he’s the one. We just obviously have things to work on.

So I have two questions really, I’m aware of how long this was, but I just wanted to make this make as much sense as possible before asking them:

1. Should I beat the crap out of Lisa since being the mature one has gotten me no where with her and I have to see her on occasion as long as I’m seeing my ex, just to give her a reality check?

2. What should I really do about my ex?

No, I was his first and he says that he’s not the type to have promiscuous sex. I believe him on that. I’m friends with his only ex gf and she says that’s also true. By the way, him and his first ex weren’t that serious. I don’t think Lisa and my ex are interested in each other at all. They hang out with Lisa’s friends and just hang out for partying and giggles. Plus, we think Lisa has a lot of std’s. I don’t think my ex would go for that. He saved himself for me for a reason…

But this situation also really confuses me so I don’t know anymore..

WOW! Okay, personally if it was me I would have gotten myself out of this mess a LONG time ago. But I know how hard it is to let go and I understand completely.

I’ll answer the second questions since it is a bit easier to answer.

If you really want to know if he cares (and not just using you for sex, even if he’s not you want to find out how he really feels about you) you shouldn’t see him for a while; no stopping by to visit, no house calls, not calling him on the phone, texting, no forms of any communications, zip ziltch NADA! It will be VERY hard and take A LOT of self-control. If he really does care for you, and if you wait long enough, trust me he’ll come to you. If he doesn’t maybe he doesn’t really care about you, and maybe you should rethink the whole not getting over him deal. But TRUST me, I have a feeling if you wait long enough (with no forms of communication at all, and you need to be strict about that or it WILL not work) than he’ll come running back to you.

I find that when I withdraw emotionally that I get the attention I want. Why do you think girls are so needy? Cause guys aren’t very emotional and that withdraw get girls wanting more. But for guys it takes a lot longer so you would have to be strong to hold it out. I’m not saying break it off with him completely, just long enough until HE comes to you. And trust me if he really does care for you he will come crawling to you. Since he’s anti-social you might have to do it for months for him to get the idea. I know it’s hard (boy do I know), but you have to stick it out. If he does come crawling back, I think it’s safe for you to get into a relationship with him, if he again doesn’t give you that relationship, again, give him the silent treatment. When he comes back I think you two should have a heart to heart where you BOTH bare all, No secrets. Tell him everything (but only reward him when he’s good, meaning when he gives you what you want a full answer of how he feels you should tell him as well. You guys shouldn’t keep things from each other if you really want this relationship to work. And I’m rooting for you too as well!

As for the other girl…

I can’t really tell you what to do there, personally I would have just ignored her (it shouldn’t be too hard if you’re ignoring your ex too). Personally I don’t have to many of that whole slutty bitch messing up my life problem because 1. I usually ignore them. 2. I think I intimidate girls like that too much for them to hang around me. Just don’t take any shit from her.
But if she’s still a problem when you guys get back together (which I doubt) but you should really talk to your ex about it, tell him you just don’t like her and that he can hang out with her but you’d prefer not to be around her. If she’s still in your presence when you two are together I suggest pulling out the big guns about how he’s a hypocrite and threaten to tell her how he really feels about Lisa if he doesn’t get her out of the house when you two are together.

But I definitely do not suggest violence. Don’t stoop to her level. You are way better than that.

I really do wish you luck and that you guys get back together. Just remember to be strong.